YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED: WHY I’M NOT LIVING WITH AUSTIN

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One of my most asked questions—- especially recently as I moved into a new apartment with Sara— is why I’m not living with Austin.  I get asked this all the time, mostly here on the blog, so I figured I would dedicate an entire blog post to it.

Before I explain my reasons, I want you to remember these are my reasons, and this is what makes sense for my life at the moment.  Everyone is different!  So I’m not “against” another person’s decision to live with their significant other before marriage.  This is just what works for us :)

Like I mentioned there are a few reasons why Austin and I choose not to live together.  I’ll touch on each reason in no specific order.

Reason #1? We’re not ready.  We’ve been together for 2 1/2 years now, but we both don’t feel ready to live together.  Moving in together is such a huge step for a relationship, and we’re comfortable with where we are right now.  We don’t feel an urge to live together just yet.

#2. We like our independence.  I like having my own space and so does he.  Even though he has an extra room in his apartment (not like we would stay in separate rooms, but there would be space for my stuff) I would miss having my own place!  My decor, my furniture, etc.

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#3. He’s about to start one of the hardest years of his life.  He just started his first year of law school.  Everyone I talk to (who’s been through it) is like OMG good luck!!! So I know he will have barely any time to spend with me, and it’s going to suck for awhile.  I don’t want to interfere with his studies too much.  I know if we lived together and he studied at home, I would always be distracting him haha.  On weekends if he’s studying at home I wouldn’t really be able to invite friends over, listen to music, etc.

#4. I want to save that special “next chapter” for a time when engagement/marriage is just around the corner. I mean, it’s such a big step for a relationship!!! And such a special moment.  I definitely want to save that for a time when we are 100% ready, and I know he wants to be confident about his work situation, etc.

I know I have readers from a lot of different countries, and maybe some of this might sound “strange” to you, but that’s the beauty of different cultures!  To me, it really just depends on the two people in the relationship, the circumstances, and your beliefs.  And these are mine!

I would love to hear your open opinion on living with a significant other before marriage!  Leave a comment below.

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Comments 17
  • Anna

    Sounds like you both feel like this is right for you, so that’s great! I don’t have a problem living with a significant other after being with him for a couple of months but that’s probably cultural (I’m from Sweden).

    However, just based on a lot of research on interpersonal relationships and other psychological studies on co-habiting, marriage, and divorce, there are a lot of good reasons to live together before marriage, even if not for many years still. :)

    Reply

    • hannamontazami Post author

      Yes I definitely think culture has a small role in our views :) And yeah, personally, I would want to live with him at least a year or so before we get married! Just to make sure he’s not a crazy person….. LOL.

      Reply

  • Carla

    Hi Hanna! I’m Carla, from Spain. I am almost 25 and my boyfriend and I have a 6 year relationship. But I think just exactly the way you do. It is a huge step for everyone’s relationship. I feel like I don’t want to start living with him because I do want to be with him forever so we’re not in a hurry. We have our whole life to live together. And another reason is that I do want to see a change when we’re married. Like something has changed since marriage. So I don’t want to be married with him and see that nothing has changed because we’ve been living together for years. So, in my opinion, you’re totally right.
    I really like you and I love to write you even though I rarely dl it but you always replay so I just adore you and your photos and know we share that opinion.
    Xxx
    Carla.

    Reply

    • hannamontazami Post author

      Hi Carla! I totally agree… what is the rush?! We are so young anyways :) Thanks for sharing and I wish the best of luck to you and your love!

      Reply

  • Emelie

    I thought that would wait at least a couple of years before I moved in with a boyfriend. And in earlier relationships I haven’t moved in with anyone. But last year when I met THE one it just took us six month to move on together and one and half year later it still feels so right and I have never regret it. But maybe it depends on the age, we were both 28 when we met and in earlier relationships I have been much younger and not ready to live with a guy plus it hasn’t felt as right as it does with this one :)

    Reply

    • hannamontazami Post author

      Exactly! See I’m only 23 so I’m sure I would feel differently if I was 28 haha. Congrats on finding THE one <3

      Reply

  • Sofia

    Me and my fiancé got together when we were 18 and moved in together 2,5 years later. And now we have lived together for 6 years and will get married next spring! I think it’s a good idea to at least live together for a year or so before getting married, you get to know a lot of new sides to your partner when you live together. And it’s good to know exactly what you’re getting into :) with that said, I don’t necessarily think we did it in the right way (it would probably have been a good idea to live by ourselves for a while before moving in together).
    But it’s definitely a good idea to do what feels best for you!

    Reply

  • Veronika

    Enjoyed reading your stories, so here is mine:
    I didnt have much choice in a way, although living with my boyfriend is what i want. My parents live in two different countries away from me, and couldnt live with them as my mom lives with her partner who i hate, and my dad lives with his partner who only has one bedroom.
    I met my boyfriend throughout university and fell inlove, and we decided to either stay together here, or move away together. And as i love the country we are in, we decided to stay. As my uni flatmate was moving, it was time to look for a new flat but as a newly graduate without a job i was running out of time so his family offered for me to live with them until we both found jobs so that we could buy a flat. And now its finally happened! Didnt take long to get a job luckily, but took a little while to save up for our own flat. Moving in one month, although ive lived with him and his family for the past year. Its gotten me really close to them, they are now my family, and ill ever be so grateful.
    Kram /V

    Reply

  • I

    Hi!

    It is very interesting to hear other peoples view on something! My soon-to-be-husband moved in together not long after we met.
    Moving in together IS a big step and I would not want to wait until marriage because I think that “what if we get married and can’t live together because we have different opinions on everything?!”.
    Maybe marriage is a bigger deal in the US than Sweden? I think it is a serious commitment and a huge step but it has never been a thing I always dreamed of and I would have been fine if my boyfriend never proposed, but when he did I said yes of course :)
    I totally understand and respect your decision though and have never thought about why you don’t live together. I also think it is really annoying and rude sometimes when people ask or assume when it is time for next step in the relationship.

    Can you tell us more about the apartment system in the US? Is it always private properties and you have them for ex. 1 year?

    Reply

    • hannamontazami Post author

      Congrats on the engagement Isabel!! Yes, everyone relationship is on their own timeline and shouldn’t really be compared to others :) Yes I will do a post on renting apartments here in LA!

      Reply

  • Ana

    Hi Hanna!
    Thank you for sharing this with us!
    I was in a similar situation with my now husband (regarding studies, job etc) and I moved in with him the day we got married and that was the obvious way to go for us.
    Like you said everyone is different and it’s important to choose the path that feels right.
    Best of luck to Austin and massa kramar till dig!

    Reply

  • Emma

    I totally agree with you! My fiancé and I were a copule for 7 years before we moved in together. We met when we were really young, I was 14 and he was 16. The time was right when the both of us was done with school and had full time jobs. That way we were able to save some money and buy an apartment. And we got engaged a month before we moved.
    I believe that you really need to know a person before you decide to move in together!

    Reply

    • hannamontazami Post author

      Totally! It’s all about reading the situation and determining the best time for the big move in together :) I’m happy for you two!

      Reply

  • Oana

    I moved in with my boyfriend 3 years ago, after 1,5 years of relationship at that point. We live in Berlin, where people tend to be more independent, even in relationships, but I definitely know people who moved in together earlier in the partnership. For us it was also a matter of circumstances: we realized we’d like to move in together at some point, and he was supposed to move to the US for 3 months, but the whole thing got canceled in the last minute. And since he already had rented out his room, he ended up moving in with me. So here we were, experiencing a couple “trial” in my room in a flatshare. Although we also started looking for a studio for myself (he was even seeing apartments for me), one night we decided that there’s no point in waiting any longer to live together and when his apartment became free again after those 3 months, we moved there together.
    I must say we were pretty lucky to have that period to see that/if things are ok in this aspect. But I do believe everyone should try living with their partner before committing the relationship to a further step (and marriage is already a significant thing in its own way). It’s definitely a big test for both partners, especially if one moves into the other’s apartment.

    Reply

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